Birdena Isadora Bittlemeier was born on June 3, 1216 to Dorothy Bittlemeier and an unknown father in Yonkers, Samua. Hours after Birdena was born, Dorothy left the baby on the steps of the Sisters of Contentment Convent in Yonkers. Birdena was taken in as a ward of the convent, and was raised by the nuns there. When Birdena turned 15, she became a nun herself. Birdena did not usually conform to the rules of the convent, and she had a casual and apathetic approach towards the Catholic religion. This resulted in Birdena being seen as a delinquent in the eyes of the upper level nuns.
In 1250, when Birdena was 34, she had been a nun for nearly twenty years. During her time as a nun, she had held secret relationships with many men from outside the convent. Her boyfriend in 1250, Bob Dratt, was homeless on the streets of Yonkers. Bob wanted Birdena to leave the convent and join him on the streets. Birdena refused, saying that she only stayed in the convent for free food and shelter. However, one of the nuns found out about Birdena and Bob's relationship and reported it to the head nun. Since nuns were not allowed to have such relationships, Birdena was excommunicated from the convent in 1253.
No longer a nun, Birdena was forced to join Bob on the streets. Bob was an avid burglar, and stole enough food and money to keep the couple afloat. In 1258, Bob was arrested for robbery, leaving Birdena alone on the streets. While Bob was in jail, Birdena attempted to steal enough food to keep her alive. In 1260, Birdena sneaked into a wealthy mansion party to take some of the food. At the party, she met Al Kamp, who was the uber-wealthy host of the party. After Birdena confessed to Al that she was homeless and planning to rob him, Al offered her a large basket of food. Following their first encounter, Birdena regularly came to Al to get food and money. Eventually, this bloomed into a romantic affair. Al Kamp, who was a well-known business man in Yonkers, was married to Sylvia Kamp at the time. Sylvia had not idea that her husband was having an affair with a homeless woman.
In 1261, Sylvia finally discovered her husband's affair. Al and Sylvia immediately got a divorce, and Birdena moved into the mansion with Al. After living with Al for almost a year, Birdena discovered that Bob Dratt was released from jail in 1262. Bob found Birdena soon after his release, and was furious at her for abandoning him. Birdena shrugged him off, completely disinterested with the thought of him. Birdena and Al were married in 1264. After her marriage to Al, Birdena gained access to Al's massive wealth.
Al Kamp and Bob Dratt were both drafted in 1263 and served in the Samuan military until the war's end in 1267. At the conclusion of the war, Samua was annexed by the bordering country of Furria, and Yonkers became a Furrian city.
Thanks to her rich new husband, Birdena attended Mason Medical College in Samu Beach (a smaller city on the outskirts of Yonkers) and became an official doctor in 1269. Birdena specialized in plastic surgery. At medical school, Birdena dated Tony Waltzer, while she was still married to Al. While Birdena was in her early fifties at this time, Tony was a normal college-age student, making a very large age gap. After Birdena graduated, Birdena and Tony moved back to Yonkers, were they bought an apartment. Birdena sent the divorce papers to Al in the mail, and they couple was officially separated in 1271. Tony proposed to Birdena later in 1271, and the couple was married in March 1272. Birdena worked as a doctor at Tony's private medical practice, Freshwell Care Center. However, the couple disagreed over children, as Birdena did not want any kids and Tony did. Additionally, Tony disapproved of Birdena's medical techniques. In September 1272, Birdena and Tony were divorced. Tony allowed Birdena to continue to work at Freshwell Care Center. Unfortunately, Birdena's medical license was revoked in January 1273 after a malpractice law suit. Birdena left Freshwell Care Center and got a new apartment. During this time, she begun to work at the Yonkers Orphanage as a manager and caretaker, which gave her enough money to keep off the streets.
In 1274, Birdena met Bob Dratt on the streets of Yonkers. Bob and Birdena, after several weeks of anger due to Birdena's betrayal, eventually reconciled. Birdena allowed Bob to move into her apartment. After living together for three years, Birdena and Bob got married in 1277. Just like her past two marriages, Birdena kept her own last name. In 1279, the couple had a daughter, Kit Bittlemeier. (Birdena also demanded that Kit inherited her last name, instead of Bob's.) Birdena, who really did not want children, gave the infant Kit to the Sisters of Contentment Convent, the same place Birdena had grown up in. In 1281, Birdena filed for divorce from Bob. She gave him no reason for the divorce, other than the fact that she had grown "bored" with him. The couple separated in the summer of 1281. After her third divorce, Birdena moved into the suburbs of Yonkers. Having exhausted the wealth she retained from her marriage to Al Kamp, Birdena bought an old barn. The barn was not on a street and did not have an address.
Birdena now lived alone in her barn, with her daughter still living in the Catholic convent. At this time, Birdena started practicing illegal surgeries to increase her own income. Since her medical license was revoked, Birdena was highly secretive about the surgeries. Birdena established several practices over a long period of time, one of which included Shelly's Shell Shack, where she operated on turtle shells. Also at this time, she begun a small wedding planning business with zero experience as a wedding planner.
In 1303, when Kit was 24, she left the Sisters of Contentment Convent at her father's request. Bob Dratt, Kit's father, had visited Kit frequently while she was a nun, and the pair had a healthy relationship. Birdena and Kit, however, barely knew each other. Bob (who had eventually gotten a job and bought a house), invited Kit to come live with him. While she was living with her father, Kit had a relationship with a man named Jack Jerry. Jack came to live with Kit and Bob in 1304. On May 27, 1305, Kit and Jack had twin daughters, Ella and Bella Bittlemeier. In September 1305, Kit and Jack separated. Just a few days later, Kit's father, Bob Dratt, drowned in a jet skiing accident while on vacation in the Bearibbeans. With no other place to go, Kit and her twin daughters moved into Birdena's house.
Birdena reluctantly allowed her daughter and granddaughters to live with her. Kit, an abnormally kind and perfect person, had not grudge against her mother, despite the fact that Birdena gave her to the convent. Kit, who never went to college, became an interior designer. In 1307, Kit and her daughters moved to their own house in a neighborhood near Birdena's old barn. In 1309, Bella and Ella attended PS-22.
Birdena became a frequent crowd member on the Judge Mia reality series, which kick-starting her acting career. On the TV series, Birdena begun as a background character and evolved into a fan-favorite, becoming a central character by the time the series ended in 1311. Birdena also appeared in several commercials during her time on the series.
In 1311, Birdena was forced to move to Geezer Groves Retirement Home, leaving her barn house behind. However, Birdena was allowed less constrictions as time went on, and by October of that year, Birdena was living part-time in both Geezer Groves and her barn house. Kit, Ella, and Bella came to visit Birdena frequently, and Birdena slowly forged a relationship with her own daughter that she never had before.
On December 9, 1315, Birdena died in her sleep at the age of 99 at Geezer Groves. There was no real medical reason for her death, and the doctor who performed her autopsy simply said that the cause of death was "being old." Kit was devastated by her mother's death, and set up a memorial shrine at Birdena's barn house instead of a funeral. Kit invited several of Birdena's "acquaintances" to the memorial service at the barn, including Judge Mia, Buck Snortleson, the other cast members of Judge Mia, and Birdena's two living ex-husbands. Judge Mia, who had been forced to share a room with Birdena while they were both at Geezer Groves Retirement Home, reluctantly attended the service. Tony Waltzer also attended the memorial, but Al Kamp refused.
Birdena is buried in Monkey Hollow Graveyard in Yonkers, Furria, with a stone engraved with one of her famous quotes: "You expect us to believe that crap?!" The grave is still visited by fans of the Judge Mia series, and Birdena goes down in history as one of the most popular and most hated reality TV stars.
In 1316, Kit, Bella, and Ella moved to the city of Justine in northern Elland, a hub for interior design. Kit started a design business in Justine which became very successful.
In 1330, Bella married Barney Stein (taking his last name), and the couple moved to Bitty City, a medium-sized city southeast of Pochester. Bella and Barney had twin sons in 1333 (Bobby and Billy), and then a daughter in 1336 (Victoria). Bella currently works as a low-level politician, and was elected into the city council of Bitty City in 1334. Her husband, Barney, is a freelance musician and has released several instrumental albums.
Ella used her few appearances on Judge Mia to launch a successful acting career. In 1327, she moved to Pochester to help her career. She starred in many blockbuster films in the late 1320s and 1330s. As of 1337, Ella is not married, but she has had many celebrity boyfriends due to her fame. Ella dated Prince Leo of Furria from 1329 to 1332.
Update (January 9, 2018):
Bella and Barney had another daughter, Eloise Stein, in 1338. Bella was a major candidate in the 1346 Pochester mayoral election, but ultimately lost. Barney Stein won three Ellish Music Awards in 1343 for his album, Next to Nothing.
In 1340, Ella married Furrian rock star Chuck Mongoose. She moved from Pochester to Furrington in 1340 to live with Chuck, a successful recording artist. However, Chuck toured annually and was often absent, causing Ella to divorce him in 1342.
Ella and Chuck remarried in 1345, and had a son named James Mongoose in 1346.
No comments:
Post a Comment